PAIN IN THE SARCOPHAGUS

Critics trashed “The Mummy” reboot, but loved using mummy puns to do it

Obsession
Glass
Obsession
Glass

Predictably, the reboot of The Mummy—this time, with Tom Cruise!—is getting destroyed by critics. Out of 137 critics on Rotten Tomatoes, 113 have given the film a negative review, and audiences aren’t loving it either. The news gets worse for Universal Pictures, which has planned an entire “Dark Universe” of monster movies after The Mummy. Many of the reviews reduced the film to the most monstrous insult of all: a bad pun.

The Mummy has all the ingredients needed to create a perfect storm of critical word play. Headline writers love cheesy puns, and when they get their hands on a movie that is a) bad, and b) about fabled undead monsters wrapped in cloth, they will generally take advantage. Even the awesome star power of Tom Cruise can’t save The Mummy from the wrath of punnery. (His presence actually makes the word play easier.)

Below, you’ll find a comprehensive list of The Mummy reviews that feature some kind of word play, grouped by specific words. Some are clever, many are not, but all are alike in their chastisement of the unfortunate remake. For more savage reviews that don’t necessarily employ word play (“toxic CGI dump site,” etc.), peruse Rotten Tomatoes.

“Buried”:

“Dead”:

  • The Mummy Resurrects a Franchise That Should Have Stayed Dead (Vulture)
  • The First ‘Dark Universe’ Movie is as Dead on Arrival as Its Title Character (Slash Film)
  • Tom Cruise’s ‘Mummy’ reboot is dead on arrival (Star Tribune)
  • Tom Cruise’s monster mash is DOA (Toronto Sun)
  • Tom Cruise movie should’ve stayed dead (AM New York)

“Unravel”:

“Wrap,” “Bandage”:

“Lifeless”:

  • ‘The Mummy’ moves along nicely yet seems rather…lifeless (Aleteia)
  • The Mummy’s lifeless cast lurches toward monster-movie obscurity (The Globe and Mail)
  • ‘The Mummy’ is dusty, lifeless, and lacks even 30 seconds of fresh thought (KGMI)

“Monster”:

“Sarcophagus”:

“Bones”:

  • Tom Cruise’s fun CGI horror show needs more meat on its bones (The Telegraph)

Double word play:

  • The worst Tom Cruise film ever. Dead, decaying, badly bandaged (Hindustan Times)
  • A monstrous mistake: ‘The Mummy’ is too wrapped up in promoting a sorry new franchise (Kansas City Star)
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