GIVE ME MONEY

Stephen Colbert “Goop-splains” Gwyneth Paltrow’s latest wellness craze: healing stickers

Obsession
Glass
Obsession
Glass

Goop, the lifestyle brand owned by actress Gwyneth Paltrow, promotes and sells an assortment of wellness products ranging from “Sex Dust” to “Chill Child: Kid Calming Mist” to “Trauma Repair Flower Essence Blend.” The last of these purports to “stabilize and sooth emotional trauma”—a claim that seems tame in comparison to Goop’s latest obsession, healing stickers, which recently caught the attention of late-night comedy’s very own lifestyle connoisseur, Stephen Colbert.

Goop recently published a post on its blog promoting “Body Vibes,” wearable stickers that “rebalance the energy frequency in our bodies.” Goop said the stickers can target frequency imbalances in one’s body and help with stress and anxiety, among other mental and physical ailments (one sticker claims to “disarm your hangover“).

What’s more, Paltrow’s lifestyle company alleged that the stickers were made from the same conductive carbon material used in NASA spacesuits—a claim debunked almost immediately when a NASA spokesperson told Gizmodo that the US space agency doesn’t even use that kind of material in its spacesuits. Goop has since removed the claim from its website and Body Vibes apologized for misrepresenting the product, which costs $60 for a 10-pack.

It looked as though the snafu had blown over, but then Late Night host Stephen Colbert made it the subject of a seven-minute sketch last night. Colbert, who’s gone after Goop before, mocked the dubious claims made by Goop in its promotion of the healing stickers.

“A 10-pack of ‘Body Vibes’ stickers costs just 60 bucks,” Colbert said, “and for that price you’re going to want to pick up their anti-anxiety sticker for the panic attack you’ll get when you realize you spent your rent money on stuff they give children free at the dentist.”

Colbert went on to “Goop-splain” the product’s theory that a body’s cells will “oscillate at the same frequency” as the sticker, just like how a fork can oscillate at the same frequency as another nearby fork: “Yes, Goop has apparently consulted with top fork scientists to create these stickers,” Colbert joked. “So what Goop is saying is, ‘Buy these stickers and go fork yourself.'”

The late-night host then used the moment as an opportunity to plug his own luxury lifestyle brand, “Covetton House.” His products include “Energy Pods” (AA batteries), “Heal-it Notes” (Post-it Notes), and the “Shaman-Approved Neutrastylus” (a Sharpie pen).

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