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JUST WOW

This is the weirdest quarterly earnings report ever filed

  • Zachary M. Seward
By Zachary M. Seward

Chief executive officer

This article is more than 2 years old.

National Beverage, a small-time American soft-drink manufacturer, reported yesterday that its earnings last quarter were not very good, chastening the company. Or as CEO Nick Caporella put it in a press release, “There can be no allowable regrets in business or fumbles on the field (deck) of Endeavor – none . . . (no one even knows how to practice them).”

We don’t understand what that means, either. National Beverage has issued the strangest quarterly earnings report we’ve ever seen. Below you can read the entire press release, filled with rambling Caporella quotes such as, ”Look at our track record over the past 20 years—no mental degradation has occurred!” (The company’s 10-Q filing, which has its financial statements, is normal.)

It’s not the first time Caporella has mouthed off in a company filing, but this may be the weirdest example. National Beverage, which had revenue of $172 million last quarter, is best known for its Faygo and Shasta sodas. Caporella founded the company in 1985. A spokeswoman for the company didn’t return a call seeking comment. Here’s the entire release:

 

Fun, Flavor and Vitality . . . the National Beverage Way

This press release includes forward-looking statements within the meaning of the Private Securities Litigation Reform Act of 1995. Such forward-looking statements involve known and unknown risks, uncertainties and other factors which may cause actual results, performance or achievements of the Company to be materially different from any future results, performance or achievements expressed or implied by such forward-looking statements. Such factors include fluctuations in costs, changes in consumer preferences and other items and risk factors described in the Company’s Securities and Exchange Commission filings. The Company disclaims an obligation to update any such factors or to publicly announce the results of any revisions to any forward-looking statements contained herein to reflect future events or developments.

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