The nascent trade war between the United States and China continues to escalate. A few days ago, China announced tariffs on 128 American products, covering close to $3 billion worth of US exports. Now, the Trump administration is preparing to retaliate, proposing import tariffs on 1,300 categories of Chinese products worth some $50 billion.
Trade wars are no good. But there is something positive to come out of this: hidden in the more obscure corners of the the 1,300 industrial products targeted by Trump are some of the best band names we’ve seen in a while. Who wouldn’t be intrigued by a black metal band called “Salts of Triethanolamine”? Or what about “Parts of Flange”, which we imagine is a sprawling, 10-member prog rock group, or maybe one of those silly jam bands where all the lyrics are about fictional animals.
Here is a selection of killer band names in the list of proposed tariffs (pdf), including some ideas about what the groups would sound like.
| Band name | Description/Genre |
|---|---|
| Klystron Tubes | Twee indie pop |
| Molding Patterns | Political hip-hop |
| Physical Vapor Deposition Apparatus | Postmodern techno |
| Somatotropin | Progressive euro trance |
| Mechanical Seals | Country |
| Torque Converters | Psychedelic post-country |
| Chain Sprockets and Parts Thereof | A cappella renditions of Kraftwerk songs |
| Torpedo Tubes | Apocalyptic surf rock |
| Blood Fractions | Mathcore, obviously |
| Salts of Triethanolamine | Black metal, obviously |
| Parts of Flange | Prog rock “collective” specializing in 30-minute “jams” |
| (The) Automatic Thermostats | Gimmicky power-pop band where all five members play keyboard |
| Milking Machines | 90s grunge |
| Dairy machinery other than milking machines | Failed solo project by the rhythm guitarist from the above 90s grunge band |
| Teleferics | Electro-pop MacBook trio |
| Droperidol | Underground trap |
| Angledozer Blades | Hardcore |
| Parts of Chain Saws | Melodic hardcore |
| Parts of Fire Extinguishers | Post-hardcore |
| Parts of Molten-Salt-Cooled Acrylic Acid Reactors | Post-post hardcore |
| Parts of Machines for Packing Tobacco, Wrapping Candy, Cigarette Packages and of Combination Candy Cutting and Wrapping Machines | Christian hardcore |
| Snowplows and Snowblowers | The greater Milwaukee area’s premier Snow Patrol cover band |
| (The) Transceivers | Ska punk revival |
| Ceramic Dielectric Fixed Capacitors | Rap group known for its high number of rhymes-per-minute |
| Prisms, mounted | Self-serious indie rock |
| Unrecorded Magnetic Media | New wave—think Talking Heads but more acoustic |
| Dobbies and Jacquards | Neo-honky tonk |
| Artificial Parts of the Body | Minimal classical with an emphasis on repetition |
| Super-heated Water Boilers | One-hit wonder famous for glam-rock anthem “Hott Watter” |
| Profile Projectors | Instagrammable EDM |