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TORQUE CONVERTERS

There are a lot of great band names in the 58-page list of Chinese products targeted for US import tariffs

Festival goers cheer for a rock band at the open-air weekend "Rock am Ring" concert at Germany's Formula One race track Nuerburgring, Germany June 3, 2017.
Reuters/Wolfgang Rattay
A scene from Tariffest 2018, featuring Torpedo Tubes and The Transceivers.
This article is more than 2 years old.

The nascent trade war between the United States and China continues to escalate. A few days ago, China announced tariffs on 128 American products, covering close to $3 billion worth of US exports. Now, the Trump administration is preparing to retaliate, proposing import tariffs on 1,300 categories of Chinese products worth some $50 billion.

Trade wars are no good. But there is something positive to come out of this: hidden in the more obscure corners of the the 1,300 industrial products targeted by Trump are some of the best band names we’ve seen in a while. Who wouldn’t be intrigued by a black metal band called “Salts of Triethanolamine”? Or what about “Parts of Flange”, which we imagine is a sprawling, 10-member prog rock group, or maybe one of those silly jam bands where all the lyrics are about fictional animals.

Here is a selection of killer band names in the list of proposed tariffs (pdf), including some ideas about what the groups would sound like.

Band nameDescription/Genre
Klystron TubesTwee indie pop
Molding PatternsPolitical hip-hop
Physical Vapor Deposition ApparatusPostmodern techno
SomatotropinProgressive euro trance
Mechanical SealsCountry
Torque ConvertersPsychedelic post-country
Chain Sprockets and Parts ThereofA cappella renditions of Kraftwerk songs
Torpedo TubesApocalyptic surf rock
Blood FractionsMathcore, obviously
Salts of TriethanolamineBlack metal, obviously
Parts of FlangeProg rock “collective” specializing in 30-minute “jams”
(The) Automatic ThermostatsGimmicky power-pop band where all five members play keyboard
Milking Machines90s grunge
Dairy machinery other than milking machinesFailed solo project by the rhythm guitarist from the above 90s grunge band
TelefericsElectro-pop MacBook trio
DroperidolUnderground trap
Angledozer BladesHardcore
Parts of Chain SawsMelodic hardcore
Parts of Fire ExtinguishersPost-hardcore
Parts of Molten-Salt-Cooled Acrylic Acid ReactorsPost-post hardcore
Parts of Machines for Packing Tobacco, Wrapping Candy, Cigarette Packages and of Combination Candy Cutting and Wrapping MachinesChristian hardcore
Snowplows and SnowblowersThe greater Milwaukee area’s premier Snow Patrol cover band
(The) TransceiversSka punk revival
Ceramic Dielectric Fixed CapacitorsRap group known for its high number of rhymes-per-minute
Prisms, mountedSelf-serious indie rock
Unrecorded Magnetic MediaNew wave—think Talking Heads but more acoustic
Dobbies and JacquardsNeo-honky tonk
Artificial Parts of the BodyMinimal classical with an emphasis on repetition
Super-heated Water BoilersOne-hit wonder famous for glam-rock anthem “Hott Watter”
Profile ProjectorsInstagrammable EDM

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