The nascent trade war between the United States and China continues to escalate. A few days ago, China announced tariffs on 128 American products, covering close to $3 billion worth of US exports. Now, the Trump administration is preparing to retaliate, proposing import tariffs on 1,300 categories of Chinese products worth some $50 billion.
Trade wars are no good. But there is something positive to come out of this: hidden in the more obscure corners of the the 1,300 industrial products targeted by Trump are some of the best band names we’ve seen in a while. Who wouldn’t be intrigued by a black metal band called “Salts of Triethanolamine”? Or what about “Parts of Flange”, which we imagine is a sprawling, 10-member prog rock group, or maybe one of those silly jam bands where all the lyrics are about fictional animals.
Here is a selection of killer band names in the list of proposed tariffs (pdf), including some ideas about what the groups would sound like.
Band name | Description/Genre |
---|---|
Klystron Tubes | Twee indie pop |
Molding Patterns | Political hip-hop |
Physical Vapor Deposition Apparatus | Postmodern techno |
Somatotropin | Progressive euro trance |
Mechanical Seals | Country |
Torque Converters | Psychedelic post-country |
Chain Sprockets and Parts Thereof | A cappella renditions of Kraftwerk songs |
Torpedo Tubes | Apocalyptic surf rock |
Blood Fractions | Mathcore, obviously |
Salts of Triethanolamine | Black metal, obviously |
Parts of Flange | Prog rock “collective” specializing in 30-minute “jams” |
(The) Automatic Thermostats | Gimmicky power-pop band where all five members play keyboard |
Milking Machines | 90s grunge |
Dairy machinery other than milking machines | Failed solo project by the rhythm guitarist from the above 90s grunge band |
Teleferics | Electro-pop MacBook trio |
Droperidol | Underground trap |
Angledozer Blades | Hardcore |
Parts of Chain Saws | Melodic hardcore |
Parts of Fire Extinguishers | Post-hardcore |
Parts of Molten-Salt-Cooled Acrylic Acid Reactors | Post-post hardcore |
Parts of Machines for Packing Tobacco, Wrapping Candy, Cigarette Packages and of Combination Candy Cutting and Wrapping Machines | Christian hardcore |
Snowplows and Snowblowers | The greater Milwaukee area’s premier Snow Patrol cover band |
(The) Transceivers | Ska punk revival |
Ceramic Dielectric Fixed Capacitors | Rap group known for its high number of rhymes-per-minute |
Prisms, mounted | Self-serious indie rock |
Unrecorded Magnetic Media | New wave—think Talking Heads but more acoustic |
Dobbies and Jacquards | Neo-honky tonk |
Artificial Parts of the Body | Minimal classical with an emphasis on repetition |
Super-heated Water Boilers | One-hit wonder famous for glam-rock anthem “Hott Watter” |
Profile Projectors | Instagrammable EDM |