Skip to navigationSkip to content

Not a “Tiger Mom?” Don’t sweat it, your kids will still turn out fine

Baby climbing a slide
Amy Sussman/AP Images for Huggies®
They’ll still climb up.
Published Last updated This article is more than 2 years old.

Even if Asian and Western parenting styles differ radically, they represent two paths to the same destination, according to new Stanford research.

In 2011, Yale law Professor Amy Chua provoked a cultural clash with a Wall Street Journal article, “Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior,” that advocated a strict approach—”tiger parenting”—common in East Asia. The article suggested Western-style parenting was too permissive.

In the backlash to the article, critics accused Chua of over-controlling her children in her quest to make them succeed.

But as Stanford researchers Alyssa Fu and Hazel Markus suggest in a new study, both culture-centric approaches can be effective. Motivation, the researchers wrote, is understood to come from within an individual in Western families, while Asian children find strength in parental expectations. The bottom line is that children can be motivated either way.

“These findings underscore the importance of understanding cultural variation in how people construe themselves and their relationships to others. While European American parents give their children wings to fly on their own, Asian American parents provide a constant wind beneath their children’s wings,” wrote Fu, a doctoral student in psychology and the lead author of the study, and Markus, a professor of psychology.

On May 24, Fu is presenting the research at the annual convention for the Association for Psychological Science in San Francisco.

About the research, Fu noted, “We were interested in finding out how interdependence could be a motivating factor. The idea was to compare the Asian American cultural context to the European American one.”

In the Asian American family model, the authors suggest, children learn the value of being interdependent with one’s close others, especially one’s mother. In contrast, European American families tend to emphasize that the person is and should be independent, even from one’s mother. The focus is on developing self-esteem and self-efficacy in the child.

“Describe your mother”

In four separate studies involving 342 students from a Northern California high school, Fu and Markus examined “underlying models of self” and sources of parental motivation and pressure. The students were asked for open-ended descriptions of their mothers—”describe your mother in a couple of sentences.” They also answered questions about how connected they felt with their moms as well as how much pressure they received.

For example, they asked students to directly rate how much pressure they experience from their mothers. Then, to assess whether students perceive this pressure by mothers as negative, the researchers asked participants to rate how much they feel supported by their mothers. And they examined the correlation between students’ perception of maternal pressure and feelings of maternal support.

In two of the experiments, they examined how Asian American and European American students thought about their moms after they experienced failure in a word puzzle task that required them to think about themselves and others who are close to them.

The research findings suggest that Asian Americans and European Americans truly see moms differently.

For example, Asian American high schoolers were more likely to talk about their relationships with their mothers than were European Americans. Asian Americans more often noted that their moms helped them with homework or pushed them to succeed.

On the other hand, European American students were more apt to talk about their mothers as separate individuals—describing their appearance or their hobbies, for example.

Asian American students experienced more interdependence with their mothers and pressure from them. But the pressure does not strain their relationships with their mothers as much as it does with European Americans, according to the study.

“Following failure, Asian American students compared with European American ones are more motivated by their mothers, and are particularly motivated by pressure from their mothers when it conveys interdependence,” or the feeling that mom is on their side in challenging times.

On the other hand, Fu explained, when European Americans experience failure, “It can cut you to the heart. Then, it’s up to you to pick yourself up by the bootstraps and move on.”

Sources of motivation

In Asian American families, mothers are more often physically near their children, reminding them to do their homework—and the children find energy in their mother’s pressure. Thus, at the point of failure, when they were prompted to think of their mothers, they bounced back quicker than European Americans.

Asian American mothers and children alike see it as the mother’s duty to help their children to succeed, even if that means pushing them to do what they do not want to do. “The interdependent relationship between mothers and their children is what allows pressure from mothers to be motivating,” Fu said.

One defining trait of “Tiger Moms,” Fu said, is that they do not simply give orders to their kids without getting involved. “Tiger Moms throw themselves into everything that their children are doing,” she said. “And when Asian American kids see themselves as really connected with their mothers, they can benefit from their mother’s pressure.”

The researchers found that how interdependent Asian Americans feel with their mothers—”how much they feel like their selves overlap,” as Fu put it—predicts their persistence.

“In other words, they work harder the more interdependent they feel with their mothers, but only when they are reminded of their mothers’ interdependence with them,” she said.

“Calm the clash”

When it comes to motivating a child who is struggling in school or outside of it, Fu and Markus found merit in both approaches.

“The results of these studies can calm the clash over the role of parental involvement in academic achievement. They show that Chua and her critics can both be right,” they wrote.

As for future research possibilities, Fu said she wants to explore how interdependence can be stronger and more effective in the European American context. The two cultures can learn from each other, she added.

“A sense of self as independent and a sense of self as interdependent can both be useful in motivating students and encouraging them to persist. These are psychological tools that people can use to grow and achieve success,” Fu said.

This post originally appeared at Stanford Report.


📬 Kick off each morning with coffee and the Daily Brief (BYO coffee).

By providing your email, you agree to the Quartz Privacy Policy.