SERIOUSLY?

Headlines that will inevitably be written about Comcast by the end of the year

Obsession
Glass
Obsession
Glass

On February 12, The Consumerist reported: Comcast Accidentally Receives Customer’s Rent Check, Cashes It Anyway.

On February 5, Ars Technica reported: Comcast Customer says she got a bill addressed to “Super Bitch”

Last October, Business Insider reported: A Man Says Comcast Called His Boss And Got Him Fired After He Complained About Its Service

Here are more Comcast headlines we expect to see in 2015:

Comcast Apologizes for Razing Orphanage to Build CrossFit Studio for Executives

Comcast Apologizes for ‘Xfinity for Jews’ Package

Comcast Apologizes for Installing Modem in Man’s Stomach While He Slept

Comcast Apologizes for Winning Grammy Award Over Beyonce

Comcast Apologizes to Customer Whose Cable Box Was Possessed by the Devil

Comcast Apologizes for Scheduling Cable Installation ‘Between 9AM and Fuck You’

Comcast Apologizes for Technician Who Ran Over Customer’s Dog Seven Times

Comcast Apologizes for Rescheduling Cable Installation to ‘The 24th of Neveruary’

Comcast Apologizes for Disastrous ‘Pol Pot Day’ Promotion

Comcast Apologizes for Storming Ex-Customer’s Funeral in Full SWAT Gear

Comcast Apologizes for Receipt Referring to Customer as ‘Hitler McShittyface’

Comcast Apologizes for Breaking into Morgue and Harassing the Corpses

Comcast Apologizes for Attempted Merger with ISIL

Comcast Apologizes for Controversial Essay in New York Magazine

Comcast Apologizes for Secretly Directing Every Francis Ford Coppola Film Since Apocalypse Now

Comcast Apologizes for Insensitive 9/11 Tweet, Does Not Explain Why It Was Sent Out in July

Comcast Apologizes for Putting Customer on Hold for the Entirety of 2015

Comcast Apologizes for Previous Comcast Apology That Used Several Racial and Ethnic Slurs

Comcast Apologizes for Several Prior Apologies That Turned Out to Be Plagiarized from Stormfront.org

Comcast Apologizes for Accidentally Apologizing for Some Bullshit That Verizon Did

Comcast Apologizes: It Was Actually Us, Not Verizon

Comcast Apologizes. For Everything. They Are So, So, Sorry.

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