Photos: Disney’s ridiculous collection of random “Star Wars: The Force Awakens” products

Children of the 1970s and 1980s coveted the lunch boxes, action figures, bedspreads and other paraphernalia that accompanied the release of each installment of Star Wars, the beloved space western series. Since then, and with the release of the less-beloved prequels in the 2000s, the merchandizing has been taken to another level—for adults as well as children—with lightsaber chopsticks, R2-D2 spice shakers, and AT-AT dog costumes.

And it seems that Disney—which purchased Lucasfilm, the movies’ producer, for $4 billion in 2012—has no intention of dialing back the merchandizing blitz for its upcoming Star Wars film, The Force Awakens.

The film doesn’t hit theaters until the middle of December, but that hasn’t stopped Disney from plastering a bewildering range of random products with heroes and villains that we don’t even know yet. (What happens if Kylo Ren turns out to be an alright guy? What if BB-8 is a robot ball of evil?)

Star Wars "Force Friday" - Chicago
A crowd of fans in Chicago waited until midnight to buy new Star Wars merchandise on Sept. 4. (Barry Brecheisen/Invision for Disney Consumer Products/AP Images)

On Sept. 4, fans across the world waited in lines to buy the newest merchandise from the upcoming film, in a marketing push Disney called “Force Friday.” Target, the US big-box retailer, now has nearly 900 Star Wars products listed for sale on its website—787 of which are tagged with The Force Awakens. That’s a lot of merchandise for a film that’s not out yet.

Assuming the film is even just passable, legions of children will turn on their full pester power to convince parents to spend a projected $5 billion on merchandise in the first year after the film’s release. A lot of that will be toys, videogames and copies of the film itself, but a large portion will be random Star Wars junk.

Quartz rounded up some of its favorite merchandise from around the web that Disney and its licensing partners have already released.

A really massive watch

That’s no moon—it’s a wristwatch. For only $28,500, you can have a watch the size of a fist that’s inspired by Darth Vader and TIE fighters.

Star Wars Soup

Campbell's Star Wars Cans
(Campbell Soup Company)

Campbell’s is releasing kid favorites chicken noodle soup and SpaghettiOs in Star Wars cans. The noodles have apparently been cut into the shapes of six popular Star Wars characters, but otherwise they appear to be just regular cans of soup.

Makeup

Covergirl has come out with an entire line of Star Wars-themed makeup. It’s unlikely that the shades will be able to transform you into a Twi’lek or a Dathomirian, but paired with these temporary tattoos, they’ll make an impression.

Lightsaber barbecue tongs

“Your father wanted you to have this when you were old enough, but your uncle wouldn’t allow it. He feared you might follow old Obi-Wan on some damn fool idealistic crusade like your father did.”
“What is it?”
“Your father’s lightsaber tongs. This is the utensil of a Jedi Knight. Not as clumsy or random as a spatula. An elegant utensil, for a more civilized age.”

C-3PO’s soul-less, lit-up face as a nightlight

The possibility of successfully navigating (video) a night’s sleep with this on the wall is approximately 3,720 to 1.

An actual robot

bb-8 goes crazy
(Quartz/Mike Murphy)

One of the stars of the upcoming film is BB-8, a spherical droid that’s somehow even cuter than R2-D2. Sphero, a robotics company that wants to bring robots into homes through toys, partnered with Disney to create a version of their robo-ball toy that looks like BB-8. He’s controlled by an app, can patrol your room, and responds to voice commands. He costs $150 and his head falls off quite easily.

Han Solo in carbonite fridge

Apparently included as part of a bundle for the upcoming Star Wars: Battlefront videogame, this mini-fridge from Wal-Mart holds six cans and hopefully doesn’t induce hibernation sickness when you store drinks in it.

The Force Awakens shower curtain

The shower awakens
(Target)

Was a regular wall poster of the film you haven’t even seen yet just not cutting it? How about a shower curtain? For $20 you can be greeted by a cast of characters who currently mean nothing to you, every time you use the bathroom.

A Furby that looks like Chewbacca

Furbys, for those not old enough to remember the first robot toys that many cautiously welcomed into their homes, are stubby, terrifying furry robot beings with minds of their own. Now you can buy one that looks like Chewbacca and makes noises like the Wookie, for $80.

A Millennium Falcon bed

For $4,000, your child can sleep in a crib shaped like the cockpit of Han Solo’s ship, complete with painted-on dials and levers. It’s unlikely to be able to do the Kessel Run, but it’s perfect for sleepy children with no imagination.

Kylo Ren costume

Halloween falls almost two months before The Force Awakens is released, but for $40, you can dress up like the characters from the film this year. Interestingly, an adult Darth Vader costume costs more—perhaps there’s a discount for the unknown?

Star Wars Pringles

Like Disney’s licensing agreements, it seems that once you pop, you just can’t stop.

Star Wars duct tape

duck tape_colorcorrected
(Duck Brand)

The adhesive force is strong with this one.

Stamps

Full set of Stamps_colorcorrected
(Royal Mail)

The Empire has convinced the (former) British Empire to make a run of Force Awakens stamps, which thankfully, also feature some characters you actually know, as well as the new ones.

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