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Invision/AP/Brad Barket
“It’s just a tree with lights.”
BAH HUMBUG

The best one-star Yelp holiday reviews

By Corinne Purtill

If the review site Yelp has taught us anything, it’s that some people are nearly impossible to please. This is doubly true during the holidays, when high expectations and holiday crowds can result in a less-than-magical experience for some customers.

No matter how jolly your Santa, how sparkly your tree, or how inclusive your holiday celebrations, scrooge-like reviews are inevitable. Here’s an entertaining sample of Yelp’s most disappointed revelers.

The perennially dissatisfied

Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree, New York City

I’m not trying to be a Grinch but seriously it’s just a tree with lights

Santa’s Wonderland, College Station, Tex.

Santa hides in a framed house and the line was always 1-2 hours. He never gets off his rump.

The Christmas Spectacular, Radio City Music Hall, New York City

How many times do the Rockettes need to kick their legs?

Invision/AP/Charles Sykes

Newport Beach Christmas Boat Parade, Newport Beach, CA

There wasn’t even Christmas music playing. It was a Sad Disappointing night.

National Christmas Center, Paradise, Penn.

Bah Humbug to the National Christmas Center.

Dispatches From the War on Christmas

Hershey Sweet Lights, Hershey, Penn.

Even Hershey is caving into the political [sic] correct crap. This IS CHRISTMAS and these are CHRISTMAS lights yet not one reference to the actual holiday.

Christmas Tree Lane, Alameda, Calif.

AP Photo/Aaron Favila

It’s no longer Christmas Tree Lane… it’s more like “Holiday” lane these days.

Bronner’s Christmas Wonderland, Frankenmuth, Mich.

Not one damn thing was made in its supposed country of origin. Weird that a place that literally shoves the whole “Put the CHRIST back in CHRISTmas” into your face doesn’t have a problem with wholesaling from godless communists.

Global Winter Wonderland, Sacramento, Calif.

Poor quality in general and several of the light scenes had an Asian theme – not really what my kids expected when you hear ‘Winter’.

Pros and Cons

Santa’s Wonderland, Irvine, CA

I feel bad giving this place a bad review because everyone who worked there was really nice, and the “elf” tour guide helps you to take all your pictures so you can get everyone in the shot, and they had a pretty nice Santa. But overall, this place was obviously decorated by amateurs.

AP Photo/Gero Breloer

Santa’s Magical Kingdom, Pacific, MO

Great place

lots of lights

I’m sure there Lectric bill is high

but raking in money

Santa’s Village, Jefferson, NH

Santa was very scarce and you had to pay extra to meet him.  However, Jesus was there with a huge manger scene and a large life-sized wooden crucifix that could probably still serve the purpose.

Wakefield Winter Wonderland, Santa Clarita, Calif.

There was one Santa in particular who was sitting. His location was somewhere in the middle of the street. Kids lined up to go sit on his lap or stand by his side. When my friends daughter who was 6 at the time, went up to hug him, this guy placed his hand over her rear and rubbed it over and over. . . . So folks, for the lights, it’s awesome.  Just beware of, or don’t go to creepy Santa.

Christmas Conspiracies

Fantasy of Lights, Los Gatos, Calif.

Can someone please explain this to me?  Why is it that we create a giant carbon footprint (!) and pollute a park (!) and the air (!) with exhaust from all those car, truck and bus engines to look at lights that use too much energy (!) and then, upon exiting at 8 or 9 pm, give little kids chemical-laden candy canes (!) with Red 40 (!) and too much sugar (!) in a plastic wrapper that pollutes the landfills (!) and chokes birds (!) and fish (!) when the wrappers fall on the ground and blow into the creek, which they do, year after year after year?

ICE! At Gaylord Texan, Grapevine, Tex.

Now 4 days later and I’m nursing a full-on head cold. Can I say with 100% accuracy that Gaylord ICE made me sick? Of course not. But with the extreme cold temperatures and wind, the non-sterilized parkas, and who-knows-how-many sniffling kids running around touching everything… I have my suspicion!