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TOTES SFW

The Kama Sutra just got so unsexy

By Farley Katz

Cartoonist

Kama sutra, the ancient Hindu text on desire and sexual positions, has schooled countless couples in the art of lovemaking. But American cartoonist Farley Katz and novelist Simon Rich have created the world’s least erotic manual called “A Kama Sutra for Married Couple.”

The humorous guide looks at what happens when romance is displaced by quotidian activities. Following are some of the “positions” and illustrations from the book.

The prodding position

When the woman cleans an area near the man’s feet to imply that he too should be cleaning, it is called “the prodding position.

The Married Kama Sutra

The shifting of the standards

When the man passes gas in front of the woman, without so much as an apology, it is called “the shifting of the standards.”

The Married Kama Sutra

The dishwasher position

When the man is loading the dishwasher and the woman must come over, because he is loading it wrong, it is called “the dishwasher position.”

The Married Kama Sutra

A close call

When the woman enters the room, and the man quickly closes his laptop, because he has been looking up ex-girlfriends on Facebook, it is called “a close call.”

The Married Kama Sutra

 The wounded hippopotamus

When the woman needs help moving furniture, and she does not ask the man, but instead hires the local teenager, and the teenager takes off his shirt in front of the woman, and the man watches her watching the boy with a look in her eyes that he has not seen in years, it is called “the wounded hippopotamus.”

The Married Kama Sutra

 The interrupted congress

When the man lightly kisses the woman’s neck, and the woman tenderly strokes the man’s chest, and the child runs into the room screaming, because he heard a scary noise, or some other bullshit, it is called “the interrupted congress.”

The Married Kama Sutra

The Married Kama Sutra: The World’s Least Erotic Sex Manual is available on Amazon. 

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