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Go ahead, play armchair casting agent for a moment.
ROLE PLAY

The internet is casting for the movie version of the Kavanaugh hearings

Annaliese Griffin
By Annaliese Griffin

Editor of the Quartz Daily Obsession

Now that Brett Kavanaugh has been confirmed as a Supreme Court justice, one thing is clear: Someday, sooner than we think, there’s going to be a movie version of all this.

Whether it’s a sort of gallows-humor response the grim political climate and barely civil confirmation process, or just a recognition that the hearings were riveting television, the internet has turned into one giant casting couch.

Dr. Christine Blasey Ford

Tom Williams/Pool Image via AP
How are y’all?

Laura Dern has been mentioned as the right actor to play Ford, and she has the right bone structure and range to do a proper job. Amy Schumer is on the list, too.

Connie Britton is a master of playing women who handle difficult tasks with grace and a gendered sense of duty—and she would clearly take the role.

Brett Kavanaugh

Saturday Night Live tapped Matt Damon to play Kavanaugh, which was fine. But a handsome, notably ripped actor rolling around in a bath of male tears didn’t really subvert or reframe any of the power dynamics on display in front of the Senate Judiciary Committee last week. Bob Odenkirk, who has a knack for playing hapless hucksters with a deep streak of vulnerability, has been a favorite nomination on Twitter.

Tim Robbins and Kevin Costner are also favorites.

If Melissa McCarthy could pull it off in a way that was as instantly recognizable as, but distinct from, her Sean Spicer impersonation on SNL, it would be amazing. Barring that, there’s always senator Lindsey Graham for her to play.

Chuck Grassley

Twitter is casting Donald Sutherland, Tommy Lee Jones, and Grandpa Simpson as the senator from Iowa.

More important, they want Grassley to consider a new career on the screen.

Lindsey Graham

Both McCarthy and Vincent Kartheiser (Pete Campbell in Mad Men) have a real shot at genius performances here, though there are other creative suggestions.

Tom Williams/Pool Image via AP
Lindsey Graham, the senator from South Carolina.

Rachel Mitchell

The idea that Mitchell, the Arizona prosecutor the Republicans hired to interview Ford, should be played by John Goodman is the kind of sophomoric gag casting you’d expect to see captured in the pages of the Georgetown Prep yearbook. It erases the weirdness of Mitchell’s presence and her enigmatic lines of questioning and instead makes fun of her appearance.

Rachel Dratch (who played senator Amy Klobuchar on SNL) would make a much more nuanced Mitchell, with her knack for playing fish out of water.

Alyssa Milano

Self.

Kavanaugh: The Musical

The internet has already written the outline for Beach Week, a fictional Cohen brothers thriller starring Brad Pitt as Kavanaugh and Frances McDormand as Ford. It imagines Kavanaugh as a straw man, or stalking horse, a candidate so unsuitable for the Supreme Court that he will be immediately disqualified, clearing the way for the much more conservative nominee Amy Barrett (played by Tilda Swinton). The plan, of course, goes awry and Kavanaugh ends up on the court.

AP Photo/Andrew Harnik
Booker and Harris.

My personal preference, though, would be for Lin-Manuel Miranda to write a Kavanaugh: The Musical in the style of 1776, with a cameo for the Rock as senator Cory Booker, J-Lo as senator Kamala Harris, John Lithgow as senator Patrick Leahy, Patti LuPone as senator Dianne Feinstein, and John Cameron Mitchell as Kavanaugh.

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