Estate planning isn't just for the wealthy. In fact, middle-class families often have the most to lose when someone dies without a plan
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Over the next few decades, American retirees are expected to pass on an estimated $84.4 trillion to their families and favorite causes. Yet despite that staggering number, most Americans haven't done the basic paperwork. As of 2025, only 24% have a will — down from 33% just three years prior, according to Caring.com.
The fallout from that gap is something estate planning attorneys see regularly. Families that could have avoided conflict end up in drawn-out legal fights, strained relationships, and financial stress that lingers long after the funeral. Michael Zahrt, an estate planning attorney with Foster Swift Collins and Smith in Grand Rapids, Michigan, says a lot of people treat the subject like a jinx — as if writing a will somehow invites the worst to happen sooner.
Putting it off, though, has real consequences. Without a plan, families can get stuck in bitter, expensive probate battles over everything from who gets the house to who pays for the burial.
Cheryl Fratello, an elder law attorney based on Long Island, New York, points out that the state doesn't wait for you to have a preference. When someone dies without a will, intestacy laws kick in and divide things up according to a formula — not your wishes. In New York, that typically means splitting assets between a spouse and children, which sounds reasonable until there are minors involved. A teenager could suddenly be sitting on a large life insurance payout with no guardrails in place.
A solid estate plan isn't just a will — it's a set of documents that work together to make sure the right people are in charge of the right things. Because probate laws vary so much by state, it's worth sitting down with an attorney rather than piecing things together from online templates.
The will itself is where most people start, and for good reason. It spells out who gets what and, critically, who raises your kids if something happens to you. Zahrt has seen what happens when that part gets skipped — grandparents and in-laws end up in court fighting over the grandchildren.
A financial power of attorney is just as important, even if it gets less attention. This document names someone to manage your money and accounts if you can't do it yourself. Without it, your family may have no legal authority to pay your bills or access your accounts — and getting that authority through the courts is slow and expensive. Fratello also cautions against downloading a basic form online. Generic versions often leave out the specific powers needed to set up or fund a trust.
A healthcare proxy — or patient advocate designation, depending on your state — hands decision-making authority to someone you trust when you can't speak for yourself. Zahrt drafts these broadly on purpose. A laundry list of specific scenarios sounds thorough, but it can actually tie a doctor's hands if a situation arises that isn't on the list. And don't assume it has to be a family member. Pick the person who can handle the pressure.
A living will is a separate document that spells out your end-of-life preferences — whether you want life-sustaining treatment, what comfort care looks like to you. Fratello keeps it apart from the healthcare proxy deliberately, so your agent has clear guidance without being boxed in.
Trusts aren't for everyone, but they're worth considering. They let you skip probate, protect assets, and control how and when money gets distributed. Zahrt set up his own kids' inheritance so they won't see a large payout until they're 27. "I assume they're going to be terrible with money," he said. Fair enough. That said, if your assets are straightforward and your beneficiaries are responsible adults, a will might be all you need.
The disposition of remains form is newer and easy to overlook, but it matters. It designates who handles your burial or cremation — which is important because the person the law defaults to may not be who you'd choose. Fratello has seen cases where a long-estranged sibling ended up with that authority simply because no one had thought to write it down.
The hardest part of estate planning is not the paperwork, but starting the conversation. Fratello is clear about what happens if you avoid it: hurt feelings, court battles, and family relationships that may never heal. For adult children who want to talk to aging parents, Zahrt suggests focusing on their wishes instead of their mortality. Once you have a plan, do not just file it away and forget it. Zahrt recommends reviewing it every four years or after any major life event, like a new baby, a divorce, a death in the family, or a big financial change.
The core documents — will, durable power of attorney, healthcare proxy, and possibly a trust — each do something different, but together they cover the situations most likely to create problems. A durable power of attorney keeps the bills paid and the accounts accessible if you're incapacitated. A trust can protect assets and keep things out of probate. None of them are complicated to set up, but all of them require some thought about who you actually trust.
Probate battles are largely avoidable. Clear documentation, honest conversations with your family, and a plan that gets updated as life changes go a long way. The families that end up in court are usually the ones where nobody ever wrote anything down — or where the documents were so outdated they no longer reflected reality.
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