Tips from a $250,000 matchmaker on Valentine's Day

If you're channeling your inner Bridget Jones this weekend, April Davis has advice that could change your relationship prospects

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Image for article titled Tips from a $250,000 matchmaker on Valentine's Day — Photo: Thomas Barwick (iStock by Getty Images)

Being single has lots of perks: there’s a greater degree of independence; more time to invest in friendships, hobbies, and careers; and the ability to make decisions based solely on one’s individual interests and desires.

In one 2022 survey, 56% of single people said they were not looking for a significant other. Even the most happily alone person, however, can find their resolve shaken by the most couple-oriented holiday of the calendar year: Valentine’s Day.

If you’re single and channeling your inner Bridget Jones this weekend, April Davis has advice that could change your relationship prospects in the year to come. Davis is the founder of Luma Luxury Matchmaking, a boutique dating service that caters to clients ranging from the Real Housewives of Orange County (CMCSA) to billionaire executives.

“The first couple I ever matched was when I was 16 and working as a waitress,” said Davis. “One of the ladies I worked with was also single, and there was a guy who would come in almost every day and I knew he was single, so I got them together and they ended up getting together.”

While the average client at Luma isn’t quite the same as Davis’ restaurant co-workers, her matchmaking approach still skews more towards making personalized connections than the algorithm-based matching that dominates the 21st century dating scene.

Anyone can share their information with Luma and get added to the company’s database of potential matches for free, following a video chat interview. But for those who want a customized matchmaking experience, hiring a Luma matchmaker can cost as much as $250,000 annually.

Luma’s paying clients undergo a two-hour interview with the service’s matchmakers during which they talk about their dating history, romantic desires, and life experiences. Before matching clients with the prospective partners from the company’s database, matchmakers also administer a comprehensive personality test. The matchmakers interview an average of 50 people before selecting an individual to introduce to the client.

Once a pair is actually matched, Luma also plans the first date — but don’t expect to spend yet another evening making stilted small talk in a bar.

“We’re trying to reprogram people from the apps,” Davis explained. “People get used to an endless supply of potential matches. And they all meet for drinks and then they interview each other and it’s awkward. So we’re trying to get away from that cycle.”

If you’re single this Valentine’s Day and looking to break out of the endless cycle of first dates that go nowhere, continue reading to learn Davis’ top tips for finding lasting love.

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Build an emotional connection before hooking up

It might sound like advice from your mother or high school sex ed instructor, but Davis is emphatic that if you’re romantically interested in someone, waiting to hook up with them often leads to a better outcome.

People feel excitement and anticipation when getting to know each other — but, for many, those positive feelings often evaporate after hooking up, Davis argues.

“As soon as men have sex with a woman, [their excitement] decreases. It’s gone” said Davis. “So unless you have a solid foundation of a relationship, then he’s going to lose interest. He’s just going to be moving on.”

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Try meeting people off the apps

Davis also encourages people to break out of the habit of app-based dating by finding new romantic interests in other settings.

“Consider your hobbies and interests, and go to those places to meet people,” said Davis. “When you’re trying to meet new people, it’s really important to remember to acknowledge people, look them in the eye, and smile. I think we, as a society, are kind of closed off and cold at times. We look down at our phones and aren’t even aware of what’s going on around us.”

Davis also encourages returning to classic forms of finding love, like asking friends to set you up with the people they know or just going to a bar and talking to strangers.

“I actually met my husband at a bar,” she said. “It’s still possible.”

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Reconsider your “deal breakers”

“It’s important to understand the difference between what you want and what you truly need,” said Davis. “I see people who say ‘this is a deal-breaker or that’s a deal-breaker.’ Everything is a ‘deal-breaker,’ and it’s really just minutiae.”

When clients come to Davis with a lengthy list of requirements for their prospective partners, she asks them to really consider why they’re making certain demands.

“A true deal-breaker is when somebody doesn’t want a committed relationship. Or when you want kids and the other person doesn’t. If religion is important to you, your partner should probably share your faith,” said Davis.

“Some clients come in with a shopping list of all the things they think they need in a person. And I’ve never seen these people be successful because they’re so enamored with this imaginary, fantasy person,” she added. “I tell them, ‘You need to throw out the list. You just need to be open-minded and have an open heart. Because if you have this list in your head, you’re going to sit there and find something wrong with everyone we introduce to you.’”

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