Predictably, the reboot of The Mummy—this time, with Tom Cruise!—is getting destroyed by critics. Out of 137 critics on Rotten Tomatoes, 113 have given the film a negative review, and audiences aren’t loving it either. The news gets worse for Universal Pictures, which has planned an entire “Dark Universe” of monster movies after The Mummy. Many of the reviews reduced the film to the most monstrous insult of all: a bad pun.
The Mummy has all the ingredients needed to create a perfect storm of critical word play. Headline writers love cheesy puns, and when they get their hands on a movie that is a) bad, and b) about fabled undead monsters wrapped in cloth, they will generally take advantage. Even the awesome star power of Tom Cruise can’t save The Mummy from the wrath of punnery. (His presence actually makes the word play easier.)
Below, you’ll find a comprehensive list of The Mummy reviews that feature some kind of word play, grouped by specific words. Some are clever, many are not, but all are alike in their chastisement of the unfortunate remake. For more savage reviews that don’t necessarily employ word play (“toxic CGI dump site,” etc.), peruse Rotten Tomatoes.
“Buried”:
- This ‘Mummy’ reboot should stay buried (Fort Worth Star-Telegram)
- Dusty ‘The Mummy’ should have stayed buried (The Detroit News)
- This lifeless ‘Mummy’ should have stayed buried (New York Post)
- Should’ve stayed buried (The New Indian Express)
- ‘The Mummy,’ With Tom Cruise, Deserves a Quick Burial (New York Times)
“Dead”:
- The Mummy Resurrects a Franchise That Should Have Stayed Dead (Vulture)
- The First ‘Dark Universe’ Movie is as Dead on Arrival as Its Title Character (Slash Film)
- Tom Cruise’s ‘Mummy’ reboot is dead on arrival (Star Tribune)
- Tom Cruise’s monster mash is DOA (Toronto Sun)
- Tom Cruise movie should’ve stayed dead (AM New York)
“Unravel”:
- The Latest Attempt to Revive The Mummy Unravels Quickly (D Magazine)
- ‘The Mummy’ unravels quickly (Pittsburgh Post-Gazette)
- ‘Mummy’ franchise starting to come unraveled (Seattle Times)
- Even Tom Cruise can’t keep The Mummy from unraveling (Now Magazine)
- ‘The Mummy’: Plot unravels with odd romances, violence (Columbus Dispatch)
“Wrap,” “Bandage”:
- ‘The Mummy’ can’t quite wrap things up (Providence Journal)
- Tom Cruise is cursed and can’t bandage over the problems of this big budget horror show (Daily Mirror)
- Tom Cruise returns in poorly bandaged corpse reviver (The Guardian)
- ‘The Mummy’ is best left under wraps (MetroWest Daily News)
- The Mummy should have stayed under wraps (Toronto Star)
- A Desiccated Corpse Held Together By Flimsy Bandages (Bleeding Cool)
- ‘The Mummy’ Is Not All That It’s Wrapped Up To Be (Science Fiction)
- The wrap-up’s a letdown in the new ‘Mummy’ (San Francisco Chronicle)
- ‘The Mummy’ reboot with Tom Cruise wrapped in boredom (New York Daily News)
“Lifeless”:
- ‘The Mummy’ moves along nicely yet seems rather…lifeless (Aleteia)
- The Mummy’s lifeless cast lurches toward monster-movie obscurity (The Globe and Mail)
- ‘The Mummy’ is dusty, lifeless, and lacks even 30 seconds of fresh thought (KGMI)
“Monster”:
- The Mummy Is a Monstrous Flop (The Atlantic)
- First of ‘Dark Universe’ Reboots Is a Monster Fail (Rolling Stone)
- Even Tom Cruise Can’t Save A Monster Fail (The Daily Wire)
“Sarcophagus”:
- Tom Cruise stricken with a pain in the sarcophagus (Chicago Tribune)
- ‘The Mummy’ Should’ve Stayed in the Sarcophagus (Popular Mechanics)
“Bones”:
- Tom Cruise’s fun CGI horror show needs more meat on its bones (The Telegraph)
Double word play:
- The worst Tom Cruise film ever. Dead, decaying, badly bandaged (Hindustan Times)
- A monstrous mistake: ‘The Mummy’ is too wrapped up in promoting a sorry new franchise (Kansas City Star)