The insane red carpet fashion at the Apple-sponsored Met gala

I’m so reckless when I rock my Givenchy dress.
I’m so reckless when I rock my Givenchy dress.
Image: AFP/Getty Images/Timothy A. Clary
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Every spring, the Costume Institute at New York’s Metropolitan Museum of Art opens a flashy new fashion exhibit, with a Vogue-sanctioned theme party—also known as the Met Gala—that arguably provides the best red carpet of the year. Uber-celebrities from Hollywood, music, sports, technology, politics, and wherever the Kardashians come from attempt to out-dress one another under the all-seeing eye of co-host and Vogue editor-in-chief Anna Wintour.

Some adhere marvelously to the exhibit’s theme. Others, not so much. It’s a high-risk, high-reward red carpet—and unlike those in Hollywood, it doesn’t pretend to be about anything other than fashion.

This year’s exhibition, with Apple as co-sponsor, is “Manus x Machina: Fashion in the Age of Technology.” At another museum, this might have been a show of the devices and garments we’ve come to know as “wearable technology”—despite the fact that almost none of it appears wearable—or “connected” clothing. The majority of these items, including the Apple watch, are still unnecessary, unattractive, and frankly, kind of dumb.

So rather than including devices with straps, or garments that use technology for technology’s sake, curator Andrew Bolton kept the exhibition’s focus clearly on fashion—specifically, the métiers, or crafts of couture, including lace, feathers, artificial flowers, and pleating, along with more modern techniques such as 3D-printing. From 1930s-era Fortuny pleats to laser-cut celluloid sequins from last season’s Louis Vuitton, we see technology in the service of art, rather than the inverse.

Really, ”Manus x Machina” is about the incredible lengths craftspeople can go to execute designers’ creative visions—whether that means spending thousand of hours sewing a single dress, or inventing an entirely new technology to construct it.

On the red carpet, this gave attendees a wide berth to wear their most outrageous, intricate, over-the-top couture—and also to dress as robots. We couldn’t help hoping someone would wear this robo-suit, with an Oculus Rift headset and ginormous headphones. Or that Beyoncé would accessorize with the greatest of analog power accessories: a baseball bat.

Here’s what they did instead.

The bosses got there early

Anna Wintour in Chanel.
Anna Wintour in Chanel.
Image: Invision/AP/Charles Sykes

Anna Wintour wore Chanel, per usual. She’s in her zone and there’s not much else to say about that.

Some called Miuccia Prada’s hoodie-and-pants combo athleisure, but it’s not like there are drawstrings and stretch fabric. Show some respect.

When fembots attack

Taylor Swift, also a co-chair, went goth-bot in dark lipstick and Louis Vuitton, setting the stage for so, so many silver dresses with cutouts everywhere.

Taylor Swift arrives for the Costume Institute Benefit at the Metropolitan Museum of Art on May 2, 2016 in New York. / AFP / TIMOTHY A. CLARY (Photo credit should read TIMOTHY A. CLARY/AFP/Getty Images)
Taylor Swift in Louis Vuitton.
Image: Getty Images/AFP/Timothy A. Clary

Exposing triangles of flesh with metallic dresses was a preferred method for illustrating the “Manus x Machina” theme.

met gala, Allison Williams in LaLigne, Rita Ora in Vera Wang, and Kylie Jenner in Balmain.
Allison Williams in LaLigne, Rita Ora in Vera Wang, and Kylie Jenner in Balmain.

Ciara went silver with her hair too, which showed commitment but was still full of bobby pins when she arrived. Also, a great deal of side-boob from Ciara, as opposed to the preferred ribcage exposure of fellow fembots.

Ciara arrives at The Metropolitan Museum of Art Costume Institute Benefit Gala, celebrating the opening of "Manus x Machina: Fashion in an Age of Technology" on Monday, May 2, 2016, in New York. (Photo by Evan Agostini/Invision/AP)
Ciara in H&M.
Image: Invision/AP/Evan Agostini

One of the E! commentators said something like: “Balmain really makes everyone’s body look amazing!”

If I get one of these dresses, maybe I can even cancel my gym membership!

Most automatically on-theme: Alicia Vikander

After her role in Ex Machina, Alicia Vikander will always look like the world’s cutest (possibly homicidal) robot to me.

Alicia Vikander in Louis Vuitton.
Alicia Vikander in Louis Vuitton.
Image: Reuters/Lucas Jackson

This Louis Vuitton would look ridiculous on anyone aside from the world’s most adorable cyborg. She’s working it.

How do you know if it’s too soon to ask your new boyfriend to leave his arm-plates at home?

Zayn Malik, left, and Gigi Hadid arrive at The Metropolitan Museum of Art Costume Institute Benefit Gala, celebrating the opening of "Manus x Machina: Fashion in an Age of Technology" on Monday, May 2, 2016, in New York. (Photo by Evan Agostini/Invision/AP)
Zayn Malik in Versace and Gigi Hadid in Tommy Hilfiger.
Image: Invision/AP/Evan Agostini

Asking for a friend.

Multi-generational ass-baring

I don’t think whoever was tweeting for Harper’s Bazaar was being sarcastic when they said this:

WAS IT MADONNA? Believe it. It was—her cheeks looked pretty much the same as they did when she exposed them in another Givenchy bodysuit by Riccardo Tisci at the 2013 Met gala.

Madonna arrives at The Metropolitan Museum of Art Costume Institute Benefit Gala, celebrating the opening of "Manus x Machina: Fashion in an Age of Technology" on Monday, May 2, 2016, in New York. (Photo by Charles Sykes/Invision/AP)
Madonna in Givenchy.
Image: Invision/AP/Charles Sykes

Though to be fair, it might also have been Lady Gaga. The rightful heiress to this look, Gaga also wore a bodysuit, which she accessorized with fishnets, heels that wouldn’t pass airport security, and, at least for a moment, Kate Hudson in a Stormtrooper-themed wedding dress.

Kate Hudson, left, and Lady Gaga arrive at The Metropolitan Museum of Art Costume Institute Benefit Gala, celebrating the opening of "Manus x Machina: Fashion in an Age of Technology" on Monday, May 2, 2016, in New York. (Photo by Evan Agostini/Invision/AP)
Lady Gaga in Versace and Kate Hudson.
Image: Invision/AP/Evan Agostini

Sarah Jessica Parker: What does this have to do with anything?

Who cares? She’s got knickers, an oversized cameo, pirate sleeves, and pop-colored stilettos with mismatched embellishments.

attends the "Manus x Machina: Fashion In An Age Of Technology" Costume Institute Gala at Metropolitan Museum of Art on May 2, 2016 in New York City.
Sarah Jessica Parker in Monse.
Image: Getty Images/Larry Busacca

Someone put a giant boutonniere on this lady’s lapel and let the season one “Sex and the City” flashbacks begin.

Imagine doing this carpet in a condition that invites weight gain, hormonal imbalance, and further judgement if you drink

Emily Blunt, left, and Olivia Wilde arrive at The Metropolitan Museum of Art Costume Institute Benefit Gala, celebrating the opening of "Manus x Machina: Fashion in an Age of Technology" on Monday, May 2, 2016, in New York. (Photo by Evan Agostini/Invision/AP)
Image: Invision/AP/Evan Agostini

Heroes, all of them.

Kerry Washington arrives at The Metropolitan Museum of Art Costume Institute Benefit Gala, celebrating the opening of "Manus x Machina: Fashion in an Age of Technology" on Monday, May 2, 2016, in New York. (Photo by Evan Agostini/Invision/AP)
Kerry Washington in Marc Jacobs.
Image: Invision/AP/Evan Agostini

Now a quick break for Nicki Minaj in a bondage look

Nicki Minaj in Jeremy Scott.
Nicki Minaj in Jeremy Scott.
Image: Reuters/Eduardo Munoz

I think I would feel better about this if she looked happier in it.

Kanye matched his contacts to his bedazzled Canadian tuxedo

Kim Kardashian, left, and Kanye West arrive at The Metropolitan Museum of Art Costume Institute Benefit Gala, celebrating the opening of "Manus x Machina: Fashion in an Age of Technology" on Monday, May 2, 2016, in New York. (Photo by Evan Agostini/Invision/AP)
Kim and Kanye in Balmain.
Image: Invision/AP/Evan Agostini

And Kim bleached her eyebrows and wore a Balmain dress that looked like everyone else’s.

“Should I get bangs?”

“Should I get a bowl cut?”

Zendaya arrives at The Metropolitan Museum of Art Costume Institute Benefit Gala, celebrating the opening of "Manus x Machina: Fashion in an Age of Technology" on Monday, May 2, 2016, in New York. (Photo by Evan Agostini/Invision/AP)
Zendaya in Michael Kors.
Image: Invision/AP/Evan Agostini

Also in the category of daring hair only the very beautiful can pull off: Lupita Nyongo.

NEW YORK, NY - MAY 02: Actress Lupita Nyong'o attends the "Manus x Machina: Fashion In An Age Of Technology" Costume Institute Gala at Metropolitan Museum of Art on May 2, 2016 in New York City. (Photo by Larry Busacca/Getty Images)
Lupita Nyong’o in Calvin Klein.
Image: Getty Images/Larry Busacca

What about technology, you ask?

Considering this was an Apple-sponsored event, there was very little high-tech gimmickry (or, for that matter, minimalist elegance). Karolina Kurkova did, however, wear a Marchesa gown that apparently has IBM Watson-powered technology that lights up in response to social media mentions.

A smarter dress might have allowed her to sit down.

Claire Danes wore an illuminated gown by Zac Posen, which required thirty miniature battery packs.

It also looked nice in the light, if a bit Disney princess.

Hugh Dancy, from left, Claire Danes and Zac Posen arrive at The Metropolitan Museum of Art Costume Institute Benefit Gala, celebrating the opening of "Manus x Machina: Fashion in an Age of Technology" on Monday, May 2, 2016, in New York. (Photo by Evan Agostini/Invision/AP)
Hugh Dancy, Claire Danes, and Zac Posen.
Image: Invision/AP/Evan Agostini

No idea what’s going on with Will.i.am’s face visor, but it looks like a super-advanced way to embarrass one’s date. The embroidered tux is Gucci.

But seriously, what about Beyoncé?

It’s become a tradition to wait for Beyoncé to close the carpet at the Met gala—not complaining, just saying. It’s also her move to Instagram her look before the masses get to see it on the red carpet. This one was a beaded nude latex gown by Riccardo Tisci for Givenchy.

Beyoncé wore similarly long-sleeved, beaded, and translucent Givenchy to the gala in 2015—but this year, thanks to the recent release of Lemonade, we’re all a little more Beyoncé-obsessed than usual. (Some even hypothesized that the dress referred to the film’s verse about wearing another woman’s skin.)

Singer-Songwriter Beyonce Knowles arrives at the Metropolitan Museum of Art Costume Institute Gala (Met Gala) to celebrate the opening of "Manus x Machina: Fashion in an Age of Technology" in the Manhattan borough of New York, May 2, 2016. REUTERS/Lucas Jackson TPX IMAGES OF THE DAY - RTX2CISY
Take your time.
Image: Reuters/Lucas Jackson

I refuse to hypothesize about the state of Beyoncé’s marriage, but I will say her relationship with her stylist, Ty Hunter (at left), appears strong, as does her bond with Givenchy’s Riccardo Tisci, who has now dressed her for the ball for five years in a row. (As in, “I’m so reckless when I rock my Givenchy dress.”)

I’m not sure how much handiwork and technology went into this gown’s construction, but I do feel confident that no one else on earth could make flesh-toned, mutton-sleeved latex look quite this good—or even good at all, for that matter.

Manusmachina, whatever. Sometimes it’s just about the woman who’s wearing it.