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LIGHTNING ROUND

How to read 40 earnings reports in two minutes

From oil to gadgets, pharma to food, a huge range of companies reported their latest quarterly earnings today.

Wading through all these reports can be a little dull, so here is a whizzy summary of 40 earnings reports you can digest in just two minutes.

The key to reading the results:
🤑 = Made of money
😀 = Doin’ fine
😐 = Meh
😰 = Been better
😱 = $&@#!

Techstravaganza

Alphabet: Feeling very, very lucky 🤑

Microsoft: Clouds good, computers not so much 😐

Amazon: Resistance is futile 🤑

Intel: Chipping off 😰

Baidu: Bai-don’t 😰

Expedia: Sales up, losses down 😐

GoPro: Not dead yet 😐

Nokia: “Some challenges remain” 😐

LG Electronics: Premium washing machines 🤑

Samsung: ~Explosive~ profit growth 🤑

Nintendo: Zelda to the rescue 😀

Big banks

Deutsche Bank: Low expectations, met 😐

BBVA: Gracias a Mexico 😀

Lloyds: Balance-sheet balancing act 😐

Nordea: Leaving Sweden? 😐

Nomura: Business outside Japan 😀

Big oil

Total: Allez le oil price 🤑

Marathon Petroleum: Surprise! A profit 😀

Gazprom: Those gassy Europeans 😀  

⏲ Intermission ⏲

Airports, airplanes, air-things

Southwest Airlines: Not great, but not United 😐

American Airlines: Pay the pilots 😰

Lufthansa: Profits at last! 😀

Heathrow: “Best year ever” 🤑

Raytheon: Political turmoil=Tomahawk missiles 😀

Airbus: More like Air-bust 😱

Drugs

AbbVie: Holy Humira! 🤑

Bayer: Stroke-prevention pills 🤑

AstraZeneca: Expired patents 😰

Bristol-Myers Squibb: You say Opdivo, I say Eliquis 😀

What to wear

Under Armour: Ugly shoes, ugly earnings 😱

Hermès: Handbags in Asia 🤑

What to eat

Starbucks: Venti ambitions, grande growth 😐

Domino’s Pizza: Piping-hot profits 😀

GrubHub: Mmm, non-GAAP adjusted Ebitda 🤑

Pret a Manger: Coconut milk FTW 🤑

Best of the rest

Comcast: Get Out! 😀

Ford: Warranty woes 😰

UPS: Saturday shifts 😐

WPP: US ad budgets 😰

Dow Chemical: The world wants silicone 😀

Now you’re all caught up! Well, until tomorrow

An abridged version of this story previously appeared on the Quartz app. For more emoji-packed global business news, download it for iPhone and Android.  

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