If anything bothers US president Donald Trump, he tries to think of nice things. What kind of things? His electoral-college victory map, perhaps, or the satisfying way a piece of tape can tame a wayward red tie. But the president also likes to have his attention span respected. So here’s a little ditty, Mr. President, to help when you’re feeling blue:

Red hats on white guys and swimsuits on models

Tax cuts and trade wars and healthcare boondoggles

Not paying kids I invited to sing

These are a few of my Trumpiest things


A little red button to order a soda

Learning from Bannon like Luke did from Yoda

Airstrikes for dessert with my friend Xi Jinping

These are a few of my Trumpiest things


Tweetstorms at breakfast; steaks at Mar-a-lago

A big bowl of salad that’s also a taco

Driving big trucks and getting Air Force One wings

These are a few of my Trumpiest things


When the Times scoops,

When the Post stings,

When I’m feeling Sad!

I simply remember my Trumpiest things

And then I don’t feel so Bad!

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