When most people think of boundaries, they think of rules that govern physical touch and personal space. But work-related boundaries go much deeper. They also define how much of yourself you give to your career, and they guide how you form relationships with managers, colleagues, and clients.
When most people think of boundaries, they think of rules that govern physical touch and personal space. But work-related boundaries go much deeper. They also define how much of yourself you give to your career, and they guide how you form relationships with managers, colleagues, and clients.
Healthy boundaries can make the difference between professional fulfillment or burn out. They are the physical, emotional, and mental limits you create to protect yourself from overcommitting, being used, or behaving in unethical ways. Boundaries separate what you think and feel from the thoughts and feelings of others.
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If you want to develop meaningful relationships while preserving your personal energy, then drawing functional, flexible limits at work is crucial.
There are three major categories of boundaries. Most people are familiar with the first, physical boundaries. Physical boundaries primarily refer to rules that define personal space and touch, like if you prefer hugs over handshakes. The extent to which you give your time and lend possessions (like that stapler your co-worker never returned) are set by physical boundaries, too.
Mental and emotional boundaries are trickier to understand because they are intangible. Mental boundaries apply to your thoughts, values, and opinions. Emotional boundaries distinguish your emotions from someone else’s. People with good mental and emotional boundaries have a strong sense of identity and self-respect. They’re able to say no to unreasonable requests and don’t allow others’ moods to easily influence their own. For example, a person with strong mental and emotional boundaries will speak up, share their ideas, and not take it personally if someone else disagrees.
Weak mental and emotional boundaries, on the other hand, can negatively affect your career and well-being. They may show up as being easily hurt by constructive feedback, obsessing about work off-hours, or letting the emotional contagion of a toxic workplace demoralize you.
Boundaries fall on a spectrum between overly porous and too rigid. A healthy boundary is a flexible one that allows you exercise control over what you let in or allow, but does not make you overly defensive or resistant to change. Someone who is aloof with their coworkers or who shies away from social events at work may have rigid boundaries. These people throw up walls to protect themselves from getting hurt or appearing vulnerable. But ultimately these rigid boundaries backfire. They prevent them from developing relationships they need in order to advance in their careers.
Creating healthy boundaries at work can be difficult because there’s the real worry of being demoted, fired, or disliked. Yet with clear communication and practice you can learn to set self-honoring limits without alienating people or losing your paycheck.
Building boundaries takes time and practice. It may be nerve-wracking at first, but setting self-respecting boundaries will help you achieve a more balanced work and personal life over the long run.
Melody Wilding is a high performance coach and professor of Human Behavior at Hunter College.
