BLEEDING EDGE

Halloween costume ideas for the new global economy, 2018

Scary stuff.
Scary stuff.
Image: Reuters/Susana Vera
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Boo! It’s been another spooky year for the global economy, and for the movers and shakers who operate within it.

This is our third annual rundown (1, 2) of the costumes that discerning, elite business professionals have devised to show that they have their finger on the pulse of the latest megatrends. Disrupt Halloween!

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Mark Zuckerberg: Wear a suit and sip frequently from a glass of water. When people ask who you are, pause, and then reply: “Senator, I’ll have my team get back to you on that.”

Amazon Go: Skip every line you encounter. You are not rude, you are innovative. Lines are for luddites.

GDPR: Drape yourself in an EU flag and abruptly interrupt conversations around you, making sure that all parties involved agree to share information about their hopes, dreams, fears, and regrets before they continue their chat. If you spot anyone asking intrusive questions—”How are you?” or “What’s your name?”—without prior consent, take their wallet.

Satoshi Nakamoto: Come as you are. When people ask who you’re dressed as, say Satoshi Nakamoto.

Banksy painting: Wear expensive luxury labels. When people compliment you on your clothes, tear them off in strips.

“No deal” Brexit: Bowler hat, lots of tweed, Union Jack lapel pins… the works. Loudly shout about how you’ve been in the room for far too long, and it’s preventing you from being in other rooms far across town. Then repeatedly punch yourself in the face.

A tariff: Rail against food and drink companies for ripping off the honest, hardworking people at the party. But when partygoers reach for a snack or a beer, force them to pay a fee and then proclaim, “Winning!”

Blockchain: Promise everyone you can solve their problems, and when they ask how just keep whispering “on the blockchain.” Or do this.

Sexy blockchain: 👆that, but with more leg.

Elon Musk and the shorts (group costume): Elon wears an “Occupy Mars” shirt and carries a blunt in one hand and a folder filled with angry tweets in the other. The shorts—however many you like—trail Elon and heckle him. The effect is even better if they are physically short, and wearing shorts.

Elon Musk’s Thai submarine: Fashion a sub from spare car and rocket parts. If anyone suggests that you might not fit through the doorway in such a contraption, insult them with unspeakably nasty epithets.

SoftBank Vision Fund: Buy a t-shirt cannon and walk around the party shooting billion-dollar checks (printed in Arabic) at random guests.

Stablecoin: Dress in a nondescript gray suit and maintain a serious, businesslike expression. Get so drunk, though, that you find it hard to remain upright.

Insta/Finsta (pair costume): Insta styles their hair, wears designer clothes, and brags about their thousands of followers (#nofilter). Finsta tags behind in sweatpants, messy hair, and a takeout Chinese menu in hand. They have like 10 followers, max (#DGAF).

MoviePass: Intercept partygoers at the door and ask if you can have one piece of their candy in exchange for up to 30 of yours. For reasons you don’t fully understand, people keep asking you if you’ll run out of candy. A ridiculous question! You have all the candy!

Amazon HQ2: Dress as the Washington DC metro area. When asked, tell people you represent all the cities of North America. Quietly accept kickbacks from anyone who offers.

The bull market: Dress as a bull (obviously), but carry a cane and walk hunched over. In a frail, crackling voice, tell everyone that you’re going to live forever.