He was a data specialist running an Excel training class at a large US newspaper. The trainee was a reporter who put a hand up with a question. This was the exchange, as told to Quartz by the trainer:
Trainer: Open your browser.
Trainee: What’s that?
Trainer: You know, the internet.
Trainee: ::confused look::
Trainer: Internet Explorer? The blue “e” icon?
Trainee: Sorry I don’t understand.
Me: Here, let me just….
It’s a day’s work for IT workers, those beleaguered unsung heroes called in to mediate the contentious relationship between humans and workplace technology. Technical skills are just one part of a job demanding diplomacy, tact, and an inexhaustible supply of ways to ask grown adults to reboot or plug in their computers.
“In the trade, frequently used terms such as RTFM [Read the F—king Manual] and EBCAK [Error Between Chair and Keyboard] acronyms are woven into IT helpdesk lingo,” a project manager at a major UK-based financial services firm explained to Quartz.
He quoted one representative help desk ticket: “Their screen shows an ‘input required’ picture floating around the screen. The keyboard doesn’t work; neither does the mouse. Please help.” Resolution: Turn the computer on.
“My other favorite is called an ‘id10t’ problem,” he added. “Basically all where the user is a complete buffoon.”
A Reddit thread on this issue unearthed some other gems of incompetence. One IT worker landed in hot water after deleting the contents of an employee’s desktop recycle bin during after-hours maintenance. Apparently, the employee (a high-ranking manager) had been using the recycle bin specifically to store her most important documents.
Reported highlow33:
It was no longer a recycle bin (according to her) as she had downloaded a theme that changed the icon to a fat cat (skinny cat when empty).
Other memorable reasons tech professionals have been called to their colleagues’ desks (some posts have been lightly edited for clarity):
From Armadyne_Is_Google:
“With this monitor I don’t have the wallpaper of my dog”
From ctp722:
This woman (a professor) called my college helpdesk and told me her dead brother-in-law was controlling her PC. Turns out her batteries were going in her wireless mouse and the cursor was just moving around kinda funny.
From what_a_cat_astrophe:
Colleague: I’ve just had it with this computer! I can’t even find the Internet.
Me: You’re using it right now to see your Gmail.
Colleague: No no, this is my Google. I need the Internet.
From depends_party:
“Stop changing the Google logo”
For many IT workers, the most vexing parts of the job are not tech problems themselves, but users’ resistance to fixing them.
Other common complaints:
“The problem exists because you found it,” or the Schrödinger’s cat approach to tech support:
From Rivwork:
“Your hard drive is completely corrupt. If you listen you can actually hear it grinding on the inside there? There’s nothing I can reasonably do to fix that.”
“But I need my files.”
“I’m sorry. The drive is physically broken. I can’t recover anything from it.”
“I thought you were good with computers?!”
The helplessness defense:
From CtrlAltWhiskey:
I don’t get mad at people not knowing things anymore. That’s fine. Really, the things that miff me these days are:
“It’s not my job to learn how to do that”
“Oh I’m computer illiterate!”
“Computers hate me”
And of course, the infinite loop of blame.
From dubman42:
Everything works: Why do we even pay you IT guys?
One thing is broken: Why do we even pay you IT guys?