Here’s who didn’t make the cut to speak at the Republican National Convention

At long last, America’s Republican Party has announced the list of speakers that will appear at its convention in Cleveland, Ohio, this week. With support for Donald Trump thin among mainstream Republicans, the presumptive nominee had to get creative to fill the list. The final lineup includes soap opera stars, reality TV participants, and B-list athletes.

With such an unconventional roster, you may be wondering, “who didn’t make the cut?” We obtained a top-secret document from the Trump campaign that answers that very question—it shows all of the Trump camp’s suggested speakers who were not included in the final list. Here are the RNC rejects.

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POSSIBLE SPEAKERS FOR 2016 REPUBLICAN NATIONAL CONVENTION

1. Richard Nixon’s head

1. A bottle of Trump Ice
2. The Apprentice
3. Grand Rapids, MI electrician Ronald Reagan
4. Jeb Bush’s exclamation point
5. Bernie Madoff
6. Barry Goldwater (son of Barry Goldwater)
7. Spokane, WA personal trainer George Washington
8. Michael Sorrentino aka The Situation
9. Scrooge McDuck
10. The Duke brothers (from Trading Places)
11. The Duke boys (from Dukes of Hazzard)
12. Chris Christie*
13. Darth Vader
14. Howard Roark
15. Barron Trump
16. Corey Lewandowski
17. Jon Voight
18. Aaron Carter
19. John McCain
20. John McCain’s Vietnamese captors
21. LeBron James’ cousin LaMichael James
22. The entire cast of Duck Dynasty†
23. Mike Tyson
24. The police robot that bombed a sniper
25. Roger Ailes
26. A grizzly bear
27. Joe the Drummer
28. Tana Goertz
29. A lock of Megyn Kelly’s hair
30. Somebody Rodriguez or Gomez or was it Martinez
31. Ann Coulter
32. Don King
33. One of Tiffany Trump’s Instagram followers
34. Mitt Romney

*Since we obtained this list, the Trump campaign appears to have reconsidered, and added Christie back.
†We added this (and every entry) as parody, but upon consulting the actual RNC lineup, discovered that Willie Robertson of Duck Dynasty is in fact on the speaking list.