Maybe there are some people out there who relish the opportunity for a good, hard salary negotiation.
For the rest of us, the times when our pay is at stakeâif weâre starting a new job, for example, or requesting a raiseâcan be stressful and uncertain. Unless weâre pretty sure weâll get what we want, some of us might not even put ourselves in the vulnerable position of asking for more than weâre offered.
Jane Charlton, head of leadership programmes at London Business School, who along with her team at the schoolâs career centre has helped thousands of business students prepare for job interviews, says we should always negotiate, even when we know the answer is going to be no. And in order to make it more likely weâll actually do so, she says, we should practice. That can mean using some surprising situationsâa standoff with your kids about mealtimes, for example, or a discussion with a partner about where to go on holidayâto hone skills that can later be employed in meetings with managers.
Practicing the art of negotiation, as with any skill, is a great way to learn. Every time you negotiate, youâre ânot learning just about yourself and how you handle the situation, but youâre learning about the behavior of other people as well, which is really important,â Charlton says. âAnd youâre building your confidence.â Â
Develop your narrative
Going into negotiations over pay, or into a job interview for that matter, many people havenât actually thought hard about what specific skills and strengths they bring, the gaps in their knowledge, or, crucially, what theyâre doing to fill those gaps. She calls this detailed thinking âdeveloping a narrativeâ around who we are, and encourages students she works with to practice it ahead of interviews.
Charlton says that some of the most common mistakes people make going into negotiation are not to have thought enough about their own story, and not to have spent enough time getting information to back up their desires. Going into an interview, for example, a candidate seeking a certain salary should be armed with knowledge about what competitors are payingâinformation thatâs increasingly available through comparison sites like Payscale, Emolument, and Glassdoor.
Itâs also a good idea to try to gain information about your interlocutor and what it is that drives them, even if thatâs just from sharp attention to their behavior, she says.
Chris Voss, a former FBI hostage negotiator and founder of The Black Swan Group, a negotiations training and consulting firm, sets out three âarchetypesâ in his book Never Split the Difference. When it comes to negotiation, he suggests, weâre all likely to be either Assertive (in a nutshell, needing to be heard), an Analyst (needing information), or an Accommodator (wanting to be liked). Work out which of these categories you and the person youâre negotiating with each fit into, and you can adjust your approach accordingly.
Test your skills
Ever without the resource of a career center filled with paid advisors, there are opportunities for practice.
âYou can negotiate with anyone youâre in a relationship with,â Charlton says. With kids it might be about how you get them to eat healthy meals without the use of bribery. With a partner, it might be about reconciling their wish for a beach holiday with your hope of spending the vacation time climbing mountains. âHow do you resolve that situation?â Charlton asks. âItâs a negotiation essentially. Itâs a conversation about hearing what the other personâs position is, and telling them what your position is, and potentially coming to a compromise.âÂ
Be flexible
Conversations with those we love and trust might feel completely different from a hardball boardroom discussion, but here Charltonâs point about listening is key. To get a good outcome in a negotiation, she says, we need to understand the wants and needs of the other person. Thereâs no point, for example, driving relentlessly for a massive salary raise with a company thatâs struggling, or a manager who truly doesnât have the budget to give you what you want. In that situation, Charlton says, being flexible can be a huge asset.
Thatâs why she advocates for negotiating even when you know the answer about the money is going to be no, because thereâs often more than one thing at stake.âPerhaps you might get a ânoâ on salary, but might get a yes on something else,â like time off for training, a more flexible work schedule, or better healthcare, she says.Â
Find the lesson
Practicing any skill also forces us to admit that we donât always get things right. You can read Getting to Yes as many times as youâd like, but if negotiating is new for you (or even if itâs not) you can expect that sometimes youâll come up empty handed. And thatâs okay, Charlton says.
âYou know, maybe the first one bombs, and you donât get what you want,â she says. âBut actually thereâs something to learn in every situation. So you can use that to help you frame what you will do next time you go into a negotiation. It really helps you develop clear communication skills and how [to] pitch yourself.â
So your five-year-old still wonât eat spinach? Never mind. The practice at keeping a cool head, using data to back up your suggestions, listening, and clearly stating your case will stand you in good stead at the next mealâor the next time youâre gunning for a promotion.