SERIOUSLY?

Future publishing initiatives from the New York Times, following the Facebook deal

Out with the old.
Out with the old.
Image: AP
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Today the New York Times reported that Facebook may start hosting content from news organizations directly on its own website, and has been working with partners that include BuzzFeed, National Geographic, and the Times itself. Here are some other initiatives the paper of record is considering:

March: NYT starts publishing certain articles directly to Facebook

April: Will Shortz quits crossword puzzles to devote himself full-time to Mafia Wars

May: All Fashion videos are now just Bill Cunningham doing the Ice Bucket Challenge

June: Headline in Tech Section: ‘Facebook Really Good, Zuckerberg Also Good’

July: Photo desk replaced by algorithm that scans stories and inserts proper Dawson’s Creek GIFs

August: NYT Editorial Board replaced by your high school guidance counselor, your Uncle Tony, and all of your ex-girlfriends

September: All Thomas Friedman columns begin publishing straight to backseat TV screens in taxis

October: All Maureen Dowd columns begin publishing directly to your grandmother’s email with subject line “FWD: Read this!”

November: All Paul Krugman columns begin publishing as Business Insider re-writes of themselves

December: New York Knicks coverage replaced by FailBlog GIFs of Andrea Bargnani shooting a contested 3-pointer with 19 seconds left on the shot clock

January: NYT Now releases news-reading app for Apple Watch, warns it may cause cancer

February: Copy editing desk outsourced to the howling, screenshot-wielding furies of Journalist Twitter

March: Political reporters instructed to publish all unverifiable rumors directly to Yik Yak

April: New Motto: ‘All the News That’s Fit to Casually Scroll Through While on the Toilet’

May: New York Times cancels both print and Web versions to become a native advertisement on BuzzFeed’s Snapchat channel